11 December 2021
Ananya and I had a video call with Murthy chittappa today. He has recently had a scan and the cancer has now spread to his spinal cord and will at some stage reach the brain. He was in Radhai athai’s house (he had driven there) and is still putting on a bold front. Speaking to him, it is extremely hard to tell the gravity of his situation – as he stated cheerfully that we should plan a long road trip to Delhi with multiple stopping points in Rajasthan, next time we are in India. He told us about his recent drive to Chennai where he celebrated with Anu and Sridhar their 25th wedding anniversary by inviting them over to the ITC Grand Chola for dinner. He spoke about his love of fine wines and the larger importance of fine company to go with it. He is buoyant in spite of all odds and keeps his distressing pains and sleepless nights largely to himself.
It was shattering to imagine that in a matter of months he will not be with us. Every significant event in my life has been shared with him and he has been a pillar of support. From my first steps to the childhood debates to Nani chittappa’s accident to buying our first computer to passing my CA Final exam to interviewing for my first job to daddy’s car crash to my first official foreign trip to Bahrain to my marriage to buying my house in London to my eye injury – he has been there in person, as a guide, as a coach, as a mentor – showing us how it’s done. In our family, he has been the rising tide that lifts all boats. He has helped us navigate every crisis and celebrate every conquest. Losing him will be a bit like Sachin Tendulkar’s wicket in the India-Sri Lanka semi-final of the 1996 cricket world cup. It feels random and unlucky, and it cannot be compensated for.
When we had gone for our south India trip in December 2019 (a month before he was diagnosed with lung cancer), I had captured him on video where he expounded his philosophy in a light-hearted conversation:
Murthy chittappa: Usko bolte hain “pahunchela aadmi”
Amit: Neengal reach panyutal aa andhu state?
Murthy chittappa: Aaa (i.e. yes)
Amit: Epdi, neengu velee la laam paindurkale ana? (i.e. you are still going out)
Murthy chittappa: But I can remain here or there, it doesn’t matter. There is the outside world, there is the inside world and all are same. If I am outside, I am outside. If I am inside, I am inside. But I am in the same world
Daddy: Stitya pragyan. A man of steady wisdom
Murthy chittappa: Usko one room bhi chalega. ITC Chola mein Grand Suite bhi chalega
Nani chittappa: Lekin garlic and onion nahin chalega
Murthy chittappa: A choicest glass of wine is also good, plain water is also good
Amit: But garlic pota chaapudu maatein chola ral ay? (i.e. but you are not willing to eat food cooked with garlic)
Murthy chittappa: Arrey, wo chalta tha tho I would have become God yaar
Ananya: You are still a human-being
Murthy chittappa: Otherwise people will start coming and praying with me yaar. I am a human-being with associated frailties
Daddy: Merko wo bhi chalega, garlic bhi chalega
Nani chittappa: Khaali kulfi mangta hai
Stating that the real action is in your mind and your body is only an instrument is easy when you are healthy. Just like asserting that money is not a means for happiness is simple when you are rich. For me, the conversations I have had with Murthy chittappa during his lowest physical points since then have been a complete eye-opener. That he has maintained his equilibrium and stuck to his tenets under adversity speaks volumes of his resilience. When I have asked him how he is faring, he has replied almost every single time “My mind continues to be strong…and when it comes down to it, it’s all in the mind.”
By refusing any further chemotherapy sessions after his first round last year and choosing to spend his days doing what he likes (travelling, driving, adventure sports, wine-tasting, delving into history, watching cricket, meeting family members, planning trips) and on his own terms, he was setting a courageous precedent without knowing what the outcome would be. And yet, just two months ago, he threw caution to the wind while jet-skiing at Pawna lake and hiked all the way up (and then some, as he joined Arun and me for a detour) at Ajanta caves to explore every nook and cranny. (Update: On 21 December, even though severely unwell, he went for a paragliding excursion by himself to Lonavla.) To wholeheartedly embrace life when it is waning away requires a special personality. Even my close friends in London with whom I shared his story find his lessons instructive and keep asking for updates on how he is overcoming his battles. The answer comes from Sun Tzu's Art of War, of which he has been a lifelong proponent and ignited many an afternoon at home. The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.
The quote by Grantland Rice I had read in school has never been more apt:
“For when the One Great Scorer comes
To mark against your name,
He writes not that you won or lost,
But how you played the game.”
During his driving trips to the south, he has now twice met Rajan and Sunita in Bangalore. Rajan holds him in high esteem and compared him with Rajesh Khanna in the movie Anand who contends "zindagi badi honi chahiye, lambi nahin" (i.e. life need not be long, but it should be big).
Murthy chittappa told us that he had completed the formalities of his will this week – he has left everything in Nani chittappa’s name, except his car which is in Ganesh chittappa’s name. He spoke for a long time about his new car – how this is the best car he has driven, and even Arun has been raving about some of its features as being better than his Audi Q7. He has always been the ‘connector’ in our family and today, true to form, he connected me with Shobha and her son Hrishi with whom I have not spoken for years (they are visiting Mumbai from Delhi).
Sometimes you can appraise an entire life as the interlocking of jigsaw pieces that you have gathered from your childhood. When I was in Standard X, our high school syllabus had an essay called ‘Airborne to Chairborne’ by MP Anil Kumar which ends on a note that I have never forgotten since: “Every dark cloud has a silver lining. To surmount even seemingly insuperable obstacles, one has to shun the thought of disability and muster the remnant of faculties and then canalize one’s slumbering energies purposefully and whole-heartedly. It is not just physical ability and average intelligence, but an insatiable appetite for success and an unflagging will power that would texture the warp and weft of the fabric called human destiny. Greater the level of difficulty, sweeter the victory.”
Zest for life. Grace under pressure. Indomitable spirit. His favourite adage was something he not just preached but also embodied all the way. Especially when it mattered most. When the going got tough, he got going.
I have often contemplated my own mortality and the philosophy I maintain about death, and by implication, for life, is quite similar to what I have observed with Murthy chittappa. In one sentence, I would sum up his heirloom as "stay curious and don't cling to anything." Allow the stream of life to meander through various bends and loops and sail gracefully till the waters recede and it is time to bow out. Fair winds and following seas.
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